(Long read, sorry)Hi, I have been on here before but its been probably a year since I've posted last. Nothing's changed. I'm 26 years old, male, and I have had severe depression for as long as I can remember. I've tried working through a CBT self-help workbook, I've tried EFT, PTSD treatment where you feel back and forth vibrations (I forget what that's called [even though I don't have PTSD]) I've tried countless therapists, psychiatrists, meds, counseling, you name it. I've even tried a subliminal messaging program, although I forget what it was called now (my memory is terrible). Things I've looked into trying but haven't are ketamine shots (too expensive and insurance doesn't cover it because it is considered an "experimental treatment") and ECT (I'm kind of afraid of doing this, I'm sure it would at least cost my entire out-of-pocket-max, plus it takes a loooong time with repeating sessions).

I've considered suicide many times, but I won't do it because I don't want to hurt my family. That's the only thing stopping me.

There are very few things that make me happy in this life, one of which is being in a relationship and being loved. I've always wanted to have a girlfriend. I've been with one girl for 2 years but she left me because she couldn't handle my depression. I've only dated 2 other girls after her, and they have a lot of other mental problems, I'd even say they are worse off than me, even though that is kinda hard to believe. Pretty much all I care about in life is just having a girlfriend. Everyone tells me that you have to be happy with yourself first, but I simply cannot. They also tell me that another person can't make me happy, but I don't believe that. There is a reason why there are men and women on the planet, and why we're not alone here. Because we have the ability to make each other happy and fulfill each other. How ****** would life be if you were the last man/woman on Earth? Do you think you would still be able to be happy with yourself? Hell no, you wouldn't. Well that's what I feel like. I can't find a partner in this life, so I feel like I'm the last man on Earth pretty much. I'm extremely desperate, but I cannot help it. How can I not be desperate?

I still work and have my job, but its not much and I don't see myself ever being able to get another job due to my severe depression.

Can anyone help me?