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So I’ve been thinking about this recently, because at this age it’s expected that I’ve already been in a relationship. But other than the reasons that my social anxiety and depression prevented me from having meaningful relationships and my family was overly protective, most of my teenage years I was confused about my sexuality. So I’ll just write down all the arguments for each label, and I hope I clear it up.
The reasons why I think I might be demisexual are : When I learned about sex when I was 12 I felt very odd that one day I would have to do that. In my first years of high school I was really sexually averse. Though that my peers were crazy for choosing to have sex that early. It was really gross to me and I just view it as something that was necessary for procreation. This was the time that I slowly started to question my sexual orientation. Since all around me people were getting in relationships, I began to question if I like boys. I had crushes on boys (sort of), but I’ve never fantasized about having sex with any of them. I just thought about kissing, cuddling, hugging etc. So when I was about 16, I went through a identity crisis. I thought that maybe I’m a lesbian. Also because I didn’t have other means to explore my sexuality, I started to watch porn. I watched both straight and lesbian porn, but it was gross to me or at best boring. It was a very confusing period until I turned 18. At 17 a guy befriended me, eventually I developed a crush on him. Then because I used to talk to him almost every day I fell in love and started to have sexual fantasies about him. Nothing happened between us, because he friendzoned me. We stopped talking. But anyways he was the only person I was sexually attracted to, and that was 3 years ago. Now I can have sexually fantasies but only about other people and I’m not involved.
The reasons why I think I might have a sexual disfunction are: I have anxiety and depression and one of the symptoms (especially for depression) is low libido. While I was never sexually abused or raped I was sexually harassed. When I was bullied during high school, some of the bullies also sexually harassed me. One of them showed me porn on his mobile phone even though I didn’t want to watch it. Another time he read me some sexual confession from some forum and made fun of me that I’ve done those things. One of them masturbated while I was in front of him. Another time he tried to grope my breasts. And the final reason I was raised in a very conservative family, so it’s always been expected of me to wait for sex until I’m married. I should probably add that: I don’t masturbate. I’ve tried it just doesn’t feel alright. I don’t take any antidepressants or any meds that could cause this kind of side effects.
So what do you guys think? What could be the reason for my low interest in sex? Which label fits me better? Any insight is welcome.
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