{{{{{{{Candy}}}}}}}}

Yeah, I know just what you mean too. Dissociation may feel strange and unreal, but it's something we use to protect ourselves. Can't deal with everything going on right now, so we just leave. Maybe we can't leave physically, but we can leave mentally. We'll come back when we're ready. Sometimes I have no idea why I'm dissociating, or even that I'm dissociating. Someone asks me why I am staring at them, and I realize that I was someplace else entirely. Maybe it's being overwhelmed, overstimulated, or just needing to think about something very intently. A letter from my T recently had me dissociationg for the entire next day (I tried to drive somewhere and barely noticed that I was on the way to the next city down the highway, having missed the turn-off to come home). A couple of days later I must have been more ready to deal with what she said, because it didn't do that to me anymore.

There does seem to be a connection between dissociation and SI. Sometimes we use SI to dissociate, and sometimes we use it to stop dissociating.

I know about not going out when you wanted to also. That's often one of the ways that I hurt myself - by not letting myself go to things I had been looking forward to. But other times staying home may be your best choice. You're probably the only one who can tell which you're doing at the time.

I sure hope that you feel better soon.