This is more of a rant. I am looking for support. I am 35 weeks and 3 days pregnant and just feeling so down right now. I do suffer from major depressive disorder and borderline personality disorder among a few other mental illnesses. I had tapered off all of my medications later in the 1st trimester and it went relatively okay. I've had mostly good days but the bad days were bad. :/

Anyway, today is one of those days. I won't see my boyfriend until later tonight, this happens every Wednesday, he does stuff with his friends, which is great. He invites me almost every week but I don't want to go because I want him to have fun without me for a change. Feeling sad on this day isn't new to me, but I had been doing better with it, but today I am just frustrated, angry, and depressed.

Besides just being upset that he isn't here right now, I feel like he has been wanting me less, sexually. I've always been the hypersexual one, and lately I am the one to always initiate it. It's to the point where I feel like maybe I am taking advantage of him, and he just never wants to do it. I can accept that he doesn't have as high of a sex drive, but to me sex is so important and when he doesn't want it with me, it hurts. I feel so rejected. I want to mention that this isn't new, this was even before I got pregnant.

To top things off he will be going out of the country at the end of this month, and guess what? He might miss the birth of our first baby. There is sort of a good explanation why he has to go. Basically he needs to keep up the end of his deal with a man that helped us out financially, but I am thoroughly pissed.

I am so scared to go through labor and delivery without him there with me. I just feel like he's the father of my baby, he is supposed to be there. I am just so hurt. I can't stop crying and getting angry about this.

So, sorry this seems like a lot and all over the place, but I needed to get it out I am just hoping for some love and advice during this time. Please and thank you.