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SweetSunshine said:
These past weeks as most of you know has been extremely difficult for me. I've went from being a caregiver,sister, and daughter to non of them.

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((((((((((((((((((((( SweetSunshine )))))))))))))))))))))))))

You are still a caregiver, sister and daughter. Those things have not left you, they have only changed in a way that is unfamiliar to you. You will always be a caretaker - you take care of you, your husband and those you care about. You will always be a sister - you cannot divorce your family, but the dynamics of those relationships can and do change over time. And, you are always your father's daughter. Again, the dynamics of your relationship with your father can and will change during your lifetime.

You are an individual. One who has many facets in her personality. (don't we all???) You are looking for a place in your life to fit in, a place that has meaning and is positive in it's roll.

When I went through my "awakening" as I call it, I felt lost, scared, alone and very confused about my roll in my life and others lives as well. I had to determine exactly what I could give to others, exactly what I could accept from others and exactly what I wanted for myself. For the first time in my life, I put myself first. I found out that putting myself first does not mean that I am not there for others and other responsibilities. It meant that in order for me to continue giving to others, I first had to give to myself. By accepting that fact, I was able to accept myself, my wants and my needs.

After I accepted the fact that I was worthy of my own help, things began to fall into place for me. I will not say it was easy. Things I thought I wanted changed. I thought at times I was loosing what I wanted, only to find that I wasn't loosing anything, I was gaining a self respect, a self esteem and figuring out that not everything I want is exactly right for me. Sometimes I had to accept that I got what I needed more than I got what I wanted. From there I learned how to work with what I had.....made my way to find what I needed and then worked on what I wanted.

This is not to say that people didn't balk at my decision to spend some quality time on myself. It was difficult for some family members to accept that I wasn't always going to "fix" their problems for them. They had to learn how to let me go and find their own way so that I could find my way.

So, in essence, I describe myself as a work in progress. A loving, caring individual who is still working on herself while giving as much as I can to others along the way. I give what I can, when I can and I refuse to feel guilty when I am just not able to go any further. I am a mom, a wife, a sister, a friend, an individual, a hard worker, a slacker, an emotional basket case at times, a strong willed individual at other times.

Hugsssssssss
xoxoxoxo
sabby