t, i want you so much right now. that horrible feeling of wishing everyone had just let me die back in 2009 when I tried to is back full-force this evening because I am so stressed about everything and nothing and life is too hard and if I had died back then, I wouldn't be trying to negotiate this stuff. And the really stupid thing, t, is that not any one of the things going on is a big deal at all. Put together though, I feel like I can't handle it. I want you. And I won't let myself call you because I can't afford weekly sessions, even though that is clearly what I need at the moment. And h is constantly breathing down my neck to quit as it is, only coming twice a month. And HE is the biggest part of my stress. I ****ing hate him right now. I want a divorce. Or to have died in 2009. I don't know which I want more. I hope no one reads this. I just had to get it out somewhere before it eats me up inside. Where is my wine? There is not enough drunk in the ****ing WORLD for how I feel right now. I don't want to die, but I wish I was already dead. I suppose I really should share this information with you. But you see, I can't. Because I can't let myself call you. So I will drink wine until I pass out on the couch. If ****ing hate my husband. I ****ing hate my life. Why didn't he just let me die? WHY?! WHY???!!! he's such an ***, if he hates me so much, why did he not let me GO?! WHYEHYWHYEHYWHYWHYWNYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWY