After my workout and my ativan, I feel better but today was such a hard day.

I hate my work. I hate that I'm a tempt at 28 near 29 and that I'm winning nothing to get the experience for a good job. That I feel betrayed because it was supposed to be just a little "help" in the archives and then came two weeks and now it's going to be a month and I feel that they are taking advantage of me, abusing me and I feel so angry and hurt and my brain can stop telling me that I'm wasting my time and I should do something more but that I should wait, that people suffer more than me with ****** jobs for years and try to not denigrate me and accept my feelings and gahhhhhhhhh

I feel obsolete and that I'm doing a work for primary education and the 10 years of my career might as well just throw up and work do whatever.

I feel betrayed. I feel used. I want to scream at them and spit in their faces and I want to work and win some money and do something productive of my life and not fear unemployment or poverty each day and try not to cry. To forgive myself for what I have done.