Now, Phil. I see you have a lot going for you. You make a lot of posts. You reach out to others. You know you have a problem. You are on the 'net and you have an attention span of more than 10 seconds, I assume.

My son is turned so inwardly, you can hardly hold a conversation with him. You say something to him and a few seconds later, he spaces out and misses it. When I ask him what he does all day, he says, "meditates." He used to love to be on the 'net all day, but now he does not have the attention span for it. When I bring him home for visits, I say, "why don't you go play on your computer," he only paces up and down. I am not sure if he is entertained listening to his voices or merely busy checking out the windows and doors to be sure they are locked, monitoring all the things that arouse his suspicions.

My son does not even want to acknowledge his diagnosis. When I try to make telephone calls on his behalf to get him services, he is beside me raising objections every time I must tell them my son is mentally ill or schizoaffective.

Hang in there, Phil. You are still pretty young, so there are still some possibilities for you.

Sorry, if I tried to "one-up" you with this post. I just would hate for you to give up.