My therapist terminated me. He did/said other things too. It's completely destroyed my life. It hurts too much. I feel rejected, worthless, hated, meaningless, stupid, hopeless, and like a criminal. I feel like I have to try to kill myself soon. I have 2 plans. My psychiatrist knows, but I haven't been completely honest with him about my timeline and intent, otherwise he'll try and stop me. Every second is agony. I can't sleep. I try to cope, but I overdose. I cry always. I hate myself. I've been hospitalized 3x since. And now I'm supposed to be writing a complaint against him and I can't do it. I'm not reaching out for help. Nothing and no one helps. I need him. But he hates me, and doesn't care about me anymore. This is impossible. I made the stupid mistake of reaching out for help at age 19, and now 2 years later, as a result of therapy, I'm going to try to end my life. I thought he could help me; that he cared. He lied. He disappointed me. I couldn't be the perfect client. I don't know anymore what it's like to feel happy, and I wish to God that I could be one of those happy people in this world. I feel trapped, like this is the only way out. I'm on meds, I'm too afraid to try therapy again. I love my family, but I can't imagine a life anymore. I don't mean to make other people feel like they should give up. I don't mean to give up. I'm just tired.

I miss the old JD.