This is VERY hard to write about, I have never told ANYONE about this. I keep having nightmares at night that I am being sexually assaulted and degraded and held down on my stomach, and also of being raped by a demon and I can feel it so real and have even enjoyed it even though I feel so guilty and embarrassed about it. Why do I have these? I can't get sexually excited without thinking about forceful sex and I am so mad about it. I can't believe I have these thoughts, it is scary.
Also, I always get attracted to married men, but when someone who is single is interested in me, I get scared or get mad. What the hell is wrong with me? I am 24 years old and have never even had a serious relationship. (except with a married man but not too serious)