Feeling a bit better after the session this morning - I'm trying to internalise this, and the things we talked about, so the positive things don't get washed away by shameangersadnessshame, as they tend to do.

A late contribution to the discussion about genuineness: because (as discussed previously) I am not very good at knowing things about myself, how I come across to other people, and whether my reactions are understandable and human or over-the-top and unacceptable, my T is an important source of knowledge for me about these things. (I understand that this is not something that everybody wants from their Ts. I want this, and if I get it, all the better; if others don't want it, that's good for them.) If I did not trust that my T was being genuine and truthful in his responses to me, then the input I seek from him would be worthless. As it happens, I'm sure that he is genuine, not least because he does not offer reassurance or comfort, and he doesn't hesitate to tell me when my words include bovine manure. Hence I believe him when he tells me that he can understand reactions that make no sense to myself. If other people find it sad and/or offensive that that helps me, sorry, but that's their problem and not mine.