I am so sorry you are struggling. I have only had the diagnosis for about 18 months but in hind-sight been living with it for years, many when I was still in the abusive situation.
To offer you hope, there are days where the world seems balanced and everything is good. There are days when it gets turns upside down, but please hold onto hope because it will right itself again.
I have many many months where although there were small setbacks, I was centered. I found a loving partner who is kind and generous; someone who tries to understand, who loves me despite it, and supports me through it.

Keep focused on the hope and search for your center!

Take care,
~q