The maxed out credit cards to me is a red flag of financial irresponsibility. Maybe it's time you start to become financially responsible so that your husband will respect your ability to handle money in the first place.

I'm sorry but I believe that marriage finances should be handled together monthly so everyone knows just how much money is going out & how much is left to spend & not one cent more is spent than what there is available...do without until the cash is available or budget set up to pay for it.

I lived with the most financials irresponsible husband & grew to hate him over the years because of it (& other irresponsible actions). Sounds like your marriage is headed in a similar direction.