There are bad doctors out there but there are also good ones. The rejection hurts a lot and I was there for finical/insurance reasons. I gave up trying to get better for ten years and just overworked myself as a distraction. You can find help but in the meantime while you don't have strength to try keep yourself safe. Tell someone in your family that you are in a bad place. Hospitals are terrible and I felt like I lost some Sugimoto but they kept me safe at a time I wasn't sure what I would do to myself. It's scary to know you can attempt suicide and there is other ways to get thru it. Sometimes I just have to take things a day at a time and get thru the day. It feels like a full time job just doing that but if not for myself it is worth it to the ones I care about. They keep me going and I know if I wasn't here there lives would be twice as hard as mine and they would never be ok.