i am walking like a zombie, pulling myself out of bed when my eyes are still asleep. my adrenaline says i must get busy, but my body says no, i want to hibernate. i tell myself there's life to be had. i sit here wondering where do i go now? feeling dead and i need life. life is all around me, but i'm blind (not literally, but figuratively speaking). the fall season is passing by me, and i'm not jumping in the joy of the brilliant fires of colors like i used to do. i'm only 35, and i feel dead. i have a long life ahead of me, but feel it's so short as i live as a ghost. i find no reason around me to keep me going. i have those who love me, but what can i offer other than my existence?

it's a silly rambling, but it's where i am.