[hello Nymph..probaly i am not someone capable to give you the best advice due to primarily the very same problem,,,i am in constant pain and coping and all the time trying to avoid certain ideas that eventually will lead me to.....,,,
but perhaps because of all my own personal issues and having too been through a period with regular visits to my own psychiatrist,which i do not see anymore,,quitting the meds and so on.....i am tired of all that,,,
i am more or less determined,,,,i have made up my mind regarding some things,which obviously i will not mention here,i believe anyway that i can somehow help you a little bit thanks to my own experience through my own "nightmare" of a life that i have,,,i am pretty sure that i can comfort you at least a little bit...telling you for eks how to cope and overcome temporarily with some urges you might get,,hope you know what i mean,,,,,i am becoming such an "expert" in this area of hopelessness and despair,,,,i know them so damn well that i believe that they have been a close friend of mine,mentally speaking,all my life...
When someone like you is out there,,searching desperately for help,,,it breaks my heart and if you allow me,,,i will be here for you and talk to you whenever i can,,,,,
i wish you the best