i know how you feel. my whole life, i felt so messed up - too messed up to have a connection. i live in hell - the hell that is my soul. i'm not a devil or a devil's advocate. i've been touched by a devil, yes. and that messed me up bad. i know i am forgiven, but i continue to suffer nonetheless. i wonder if, maybe, i'm supposed to suffer to pay for the sins of others and my own. i pray for the day that i would be free of this suffering once and for all....