i am in a tremendous amount of suffering. why? if jesus died on the cross for our sins, why am i suffering? am i destined to suffer for the rest of my living days? so many of us are living in hell, whether due to conditions of environment, through others' abusive methods, or by illness. mine is by my illness. i am also treatment-resistant, meaning that i can't find relief. i prayed and cried. i gave myself up to God. still, i am stuck here, suffering so much. there are those around me who love me, and what do i have to offer? i'm like in a vegatative state with my illness. i reach out to offer my love to others, and it's painfully hard. so hard i cry. they come to me, and i can only love with my mind. my cat, thunder, is pawing on my face, hoping for my attention. i give him a pet and scratch for as long as he likes. still, i suffer. the pain of life is tremendous, even though there's nothing wrong with my life. i wish to be healed. i pray as often as i can to heal. when i'm enpty on hope, i pray. i give myself up to God. what more do i do to help myself? i pray for a miracle. i am bleeding tears. my tear flood my life and my soul. i need a miracle to help me out of my illness. is this too much to ask, especially when medicine cannot help me anymore and consider me a hopeless case? i pray.