Hello! It’s a pleasure to see you all again.

I don’t know if you know me, but I haven’t been on this forum for a long time. Family, self-discovery, all that jazz. Never mind about all of that, though. I’ve already gone through that before and I’m just glad to be back and around.

Anywho. I have a question. This is something that’s bothered me for a long time, since I don’t quite know how serious it truly is. Dissociative Disorders are something that I have only a basic knowledge of. But according to what my friends have said, they asked me to go to this section of the forum and ask. So, here goes.

Levine has been with me for a long time. He’s an emotionally cold, calculating, and intelligent person. He only sees people as numbers and patterns, things to be experimented on and observed to heighten his level of awareness and knowledge. Yet, he only comes out when very specific things happen. Like when I look at the old journals that “he” wrote, or when very troubling situations come up. Like when I’m struggling emotionally over a person, he may swoop in and cut off any emotion I may be feeling at the time. But at the same time, he would view this people I care about as nothing more than trash, nuisances, burdens, and other hateful things.

I ran through many theories over the years as to what he could be. At first, I thought maybe this was some kind of part of me that I excluded from my usual persona, because I didn’t want that to be a part of me. I didn’t want to acknowledge that I could be that way. That or I thought he was simply a symptom of my depression, only coming out during my most dire of moments. I also thought that maybe he was just something I created in order to cope with social situations that I’m anxious about. In the end, I wasn’t sure about any of them.

Every time he comes out, it’s so difficult to get out of that state of mind. When he is me, I really have to struggle to be me again. Does that make sense?

In the end, I don't really know what's going on. This guy, Levine, suddenly came into my life and I just acted like it was natural. I saw nothing wrong with it when he first started coming out and acting as himself. I suppose, I wasn't really aware that he was around or that he was anything out of the ordinary until a couple years ago. That's when I noticed, that's when I saw that I would act completely different to my friends, family, and even myself. I would do completely different things and I would have a different world view. I would just switch suddenly to him whenever those journals or troubling situations came into play.

Any clarification would be wonderful. Thank you so much for reading!