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Originally Posted by Reveraen
... on and off relationship for 2 years.... It is so hard. Her out of nowhere irritability, (she never knows why she gets so agitated, so she tells me that it must be me) randomly deciding to up and move far away then desperately coming back for me, ... changing her mind every other week about the big decisions she's makes.....her drunken abusive episodes, name calling, making me feel like I'm worthless. You all know how it goes. I've always felt like I'm walking on egg shells.
She always comes back to me telling me she's crazy and to never let her let me go. Not too long ago she said she was going to get help...We've been broken up for a month now. But she will still randomly reach out once a week....This time I told her we need to talk. Apparently she had no time.... I may have upset her so much that I'll never hear from her again, or she'll reach out again to keep me from moving on.
What are some things that have helped you in my situation?
From someone who is bipolar, how do you see it? The fact that she told me to never let her let me go makes it sooo hard.
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I've only experienced your situation/side of things in a relationship with someone with borderline personality issues. Not saying there's not BP, but there's a lot of classic borderline behavior in there. (Might be both. We can't diagnose or anything, but it's something to consider.)
Classic borderline things that stand out in that would be the whole push/pull relationship thing. Turn on a dime irritability, blaming you for it (fear/self-defense via projection/black-white blaming -- says will get help, but doesn't because it requires owning one's part in conflict, and that is too painful. This might also explain the "no time" when talking it out is suggested.). Yelling at you making you feel like ****, taking off, then desperately coming back. I hate you. Don't leave me.
Over and over again. For 2 years?(!) A pervasive pattern of unstable relationships is absolute hallmark of borderline. (It is not among the criteria for diagnosing bipolar.)
Unfortunately, that doesn't change things terribly much for you. But. Bipolar is much more responsive to meds than borderline is. The most effective approach to borderline is a therapy called DBT. As DBT requires dedication to be effective, it might be worth seeing if she'll take the meds approach first, and see if that brings things to a more manageable level then go from there.
But honestly, you should begin by deeply considering if the relationship is worth it. You also need to evaluate your capacity to handle it. YOUR well-being is important too, after all.
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Originally Posted by pirilin
In true bipolar fashion, I've never being in love with anybody to the point of not being able to look for greener pastures. After three marriages and many in-betweens..
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Just compelled to point out that this isn't a given with Bipolar. (For instance, I can say in 100% truth I've never sought "greener pastures". And was with my ex for 25 years. Threads on the topic bear out that there are quite a few others too.) Granted, divorce rates are high. In reading on here, it seems that it is most problematic for those who have manias that manifest in serious spending (ruin lives kind of levels) and/or whose hypersexuality is taken outside of an intendedly monogamous relationship. Those are particularly hard on relationships (of course!) But not all bipolars' manias take those courses. Just sayin'.
Best of luck to you, Revraen. Whatever you choose.
(One tip though. NO contact is best (I've seen many say
necessary) following breaking it off. Again, for your own sanity.)