My good friend Ed has returned and I've been fighting hard lately to keep afloat with it all. But I realized just recently that my eating disorder has basically nothing to do with food.

It feels like I'm slowly wasting away on the inside. And nothing can stop it. That's why I'm holding onto my eating disorder so closely. My inside and my outside have to match or else no one will understand that I'm STILL slowly wasting away. So says Ed. Even after all these years of treatment for the same problem.
Frankly I thought I was done with Ed years ago. Why do I feel like this is the only way to cry out for help?! The only way to make the people in my life actually understand what I'm going through??

I mean, granted, I've only been on 9 antidepressants over the years, so there are still plenty more out there to try (except not thanks to my body)...

When everything else fails in treating your depression, where do you go? What do you turn to?