I'm feeling so bad I can't even start to talk about it. I pondered for a long time about writing this post.

I'm frozen most of the time. I can't feel any emotion at all and I wouldn't care or even notice if the third world war was about to start. Sometimes I'm so frozen I can't move anymore. That happens especially in bed. I can't have sex anymore. I can't touch my partner in a sexual way. He can do things to me, sometimes, but I can't reciprocate. Because I have flashbacks and I freeze real bad.

I'm dissociated most of the time. I feel like I'm on a different planet and not in my body at all. I can't feel what happens around me. I can't remember very important things I say or do. My bf tells me what's happened but I can't remember it, or I can remember only very vaguely. This can happen also very few hours after the thing's happened.

I'm terribly scared. I'm starting with a new T in 10 days' time but I don't know if I can make it. I'm so scared and I fear my bf is going to leave me because he appears very scared, too. He says he's feeling awful. I know he can't stand all this anymore.

What should I do?