Thank you so much for all the replies!
I saw my T today which helped a bit. Usually I write down a bunch of things to talk about but I didn't this time. I was just too tired but also I think a part of me was resisting because I was scared of sharing such intense feelings. I did manage to give her a basic run down of what's been going on and the thoughts I've been having, just not as much detail as I normally would.

Anyway, thanks again for the support everyone and I'm sorry for the "woe is me" attitude I was having earlier.