I am so sorry you're going through this. I have been through similar bouts of dissociation, where I felt as though I were drifting through my life, both because of extreme distress and because I was on a medication which caused extreme anhedonia (that lasted for months and months and was awful). Just curious, are you taking any new (or old) meds which may be causing this reaction?

This may sound very new age to some, but my T has always strongly recommended it. Have you tried meditation? I do it almost daily, sometimes twice a day when I am really stressed. I am a new nurse, and 5-8 minutes just before work can help me stay focused at work, and then a longer time after work can help me go to sleep. It helps some people to stay grounded and mindful, which is part of the focus of DBT for those of us that struggle with BPD.

There are many guided meditation videos on YouTube which are even as short as 5 minutes which you can play, lie down and listen to, and they will walk you through the steps of relaxing and focusing. I started with 5 minutes and I've sometimes stretched it to 30 minutes...anything past that, I tend to start drifting off. But I feel like, when I'm so distressed that I'm dissociating and beginning to live life on autopilot, I need to get more "grounded," so to speak, and find a way to bring myself back into reality. Focusing inward, the way that meditation does, and how guided meditation will have you focus on your body and relaxing every part, may help. I am very, very good at living on autopilot and can function very well. But that's not a life, you know?

If you try it, let me know what you think.