Some things just come from the dysfunctional families our parents grew up in & passed along.

Others become obvious as we do our own research...as when I was trying to figure out what was the cause of the problems in my own marriage researching Aspergers (ASD), I realized that was what I had been dealing with from my own H but what hit me between the eyes was that it also described my own Dad perfectly. All the behaviors my mom rationalized about my dad all my life were perfectly summed up in the same thing I found I struggled with in my own H.

Had no idea because I had never lived around normal....I just knew that I had enough of it for one life time & if I didn't escape I was going to be the one ending my own life.

My parents swore they were wonderful parents & some day I would respect their wisdom. Sadly that never happened. As time went by it only supported my understanding of them not being wise though we included them in everything as our daughter was bonded to them as their care for her make it possible for me to finish my degree & have my computer engineering career.

What no one understood was that being nice didn't equate to being not dysfunctional in all the other areas of relationship. Just like I realized my H did things because he knew it was the right thing to do but did it without any emotional connection. My parents were the same but it's hard to judge the emotions NOT being there when someone does something NICE.

I realize just how dysfunctional I became trying to fight so hard to be nothing like my parents...didn't even realize later on (until 2years ago) that my struggle after leaving it all was not knowing what emotional connection ever felt like all my life though I realized something was missing I had no idea what it was or what it felt like until I finally escaped that life. So thankful to be surrounded by wonderful friends I can now emotionally connect with beyond just that surface level crap I experienced all my life that they all made me think was normal.

Lol...found out I wasn't as MI as my DX actually was. Much of that was depression & anxiety to the situation I was living in & had lived in ALL MY LIFE.