Ok, yes, you're all right, and I'm sorry. I am highly irrational right now, I can't help it. I'm not going to kill myself, I don't have what it takes. I do still feel hopeless though. I do need serious help but I'm afraid there isn't any help to be had. I've already been hospitalized, and I do not want to do that again. Everyone in there was just a bunch of drug addicts. There was no one like me in there. A riot broke out because they weren't given enough smoke breaks. I don't smoke, I never will. I do still think that I'm out of time though. I just feel like I've already missed out on a lot of fun in my younger years. I remember being asked to go to all the parties and stuff and I just said no. I hate myself and who I am. I wish I was never born. I don't think I will ever find anyone again...with this mindset, you're right. I don't know how to change.