I just usually think it's my fault. Or that there is someone else, because in my experience, with my ex's, there usually is.

In the last few days, I have realized that I am used to being placed at the bottom of everyone's list. I don't mean that to sound all "Woe is me," it's just true. It was a good friend's birthday the other night, and I saw on FB that she was going out for drinks, and she never even invited me. I honestly didn't know it was her bday, but in this day and age, if you haven't been friends for years, you tend not to know those things unless you discuss it; FB usually tells you. My bday was in April, I invited her to a game, because, well... no one invited me to do anything, so I had to throw my own damned party. But anyway, I couldn't do anything on her bday bc of work. So I was like, "Hey, happy bday, I can't go out with you but I'd love to take you for a drink tomorrow night!" She was like, well, if I can, blah blah blah. It was like she was inconvenienced. I'm like, hey dude, this isn't for me, it's for you. So why don't you just let me know when you are available?

I'm ****ing sick of it. I invite people to do stuff all the time, I'm usually fun and carefree when we hang out, and I listen to people's stuff not just dump my stuff on them. Like with this friend above: she talks and talks and talks and can be a bit tiresome. But I listen and smile and do my best to be a good friend even though she's a bit emotionally self-centered. As I've said many times, none of my friends would think of me if I didn't constantly ask them to hang out. And I know it's just me, because they hang out with their other friend and invite them out all the time.

So yeah, like I said earlier, I am a loser.