You're a smart guy, S4. And I agree with everything you've said. And I know all of this...when I'm not in the thick of it. I hate that I know it, and I can see it, when I'm not actually trying to make something work. This is why I believe, more and more, that I simply cannot make a relationship work, period.

I noticed that he unblocked me from everything. No, I'm not going back, because I can't live with that knot in my stomach I have when I'm talking to him, and I can't maintain that level of anxiety and pain in my life. I mean, lol, it's nice to be losing weight (my psychotic patient called me obese the other day and I'm like, dude I know...) but that's not the way I want to be doing it. But...yeah...I looked. I wonder if he tried to reply to my text barrage from the other night. I wouldn't know, can't find out. And I did say he was blocked, so I doubt it.

Overall, I feel more peaceful, if not just sad and worn out. As I've said before, it's not all about him. It's more about how I feel about the relationships in my life, in general, how dissatisfied I am with all of them. I pretend I'm alright, that I'm satisfied with the level of closeness I have with friends, with the fact that I don't speak to my family (that I can't, that it wouldn't matter anyway, because they treat me the same way everyone else does--don't call, don't reach out, etc, and they are freaking toxic as hell regardless), with the fact that I seem to be invisible to men. But it really bothers me.

I am going to go to a Meetup on Saturday night, though. Might as well. Not doing anything else.