Time. That does seem to help me.

What will happen if you just word vomited to a nurse or a possibly trustworthy therapist? What if you voiced your fears of what would happen if you really said how you felt? What if you made a promise not to do anything rash if they just listened to you and let you ask every question about your meds and treatment? And let you do it again and again?

I don't think your doc and the other staff ambushed you, even though it felt that way. It was probably the only time they could get together to talk to you. Maybe you could ask them to let you know in advance when these sorts of meetings are going to take place so you can brace yourself because of your anxiety.

I am just throwing suggestions out because when I was in the hospital the last time, I was pretty bad, too. I gave up, and went catatonic. In one way it was good, because I didn't si, and it was good in another way because I wasn't thinking too hard and just listened. I was able to do some writing, too.

Maybe you could write your concerns?

I am sending good wishes and hugs your way. It's tough.