i've never been able to get involved in any relationships, even really friendships because of my depression and stuff.. PTSD i guess
im 26 too, and even though i know it would help if i did have someone to 'lean on' and cared for me through the bad times as much as the good times, i feel like i dont want to cause anyone any pain by caring for someone so damaged where im inevitably going to cause some type of hurt, not in the intentional form but in the sense that because when you care about someone that is in pain it also makes you feel pain and i would just like to not put that on anyone before i get involved in any intimate relationships or friendships ...

it wears me down enough trying to play a facade to the ones that are near me, having someone that knows me that intimately would be devastating to both

i just wanted to say that you aren't alone... where as i may not be in your position, maybe our positions are similar..

the only thing i repeat to myself is that moving forward is the only feasible option i have, i can stand still for ever and i wont get anywhere... but if i move in some direction something will change whether its good or bad which doesnt matter anymore as long as something changes... so just keep dragging yourself ahead... its difficult to live with many chains weighing you down and constricting your paths.. but if we can forge chains, in our selves, others, surely we can bend them and break them some how...

failure is not an option... and we only fail when we give up...