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Originally Posted by Ruari
You're a smart guy, S4. And I agree with everything you've said. And I know all of this...when I'm not in the thick of it. I hate that I know it, and I can see it, when I'm not actually trying to make something work. This is why I believe, more and more, that I simply cannot make a relationship work, period.
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Thanks for that but idk about my smarts
I try to be tho
it's not all on you. keep that in mind, if a relationship works it's about both people involved. Too many of us blame ourselves entirely when things fail. Problem is when it's working we don't take credit for it at those times the same as when we guilt ourselves when it doesn't work out. don't do that. Par of this was him not doing things that you need in a relationship too. Sure you're to blame for certain aspects but please try to see it as only half the relationship's responsibility.
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I noticed that he unblocked me from everything. No, I'm not going back, because I can't live with that knot in my stomach I have when I'm talking to him, and I can't maintain that level of anxiety and pain in my life.
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This concerns me. not from the aspect of whether or not you will go back or worried about that but -- how long have you not talked much? Seems to me he has an unhealthy need here, that's my first inclination and he's trying to bait you by doing that. I wonder, considering his past gf and you... does he have an unhealthy habit of doing things to his mates like he has done to you? I wonder if it's some sort of need he has to have someone on the hook but only by a string, dragging them along. A pattern seems to be forming here. IIRC he has unblocked you before too right?
stick to your guns, stand firm on what you said just now. If you need a friend to rely on to keep you strong, you can friend me and pm me and I'm not always on pc but I will try to help
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I mean, lol, it's nice to be losing weight (my psychotic patient called me obese the other day and I'm like, dude I know...) but that's not the way I want to be doing it. But...yeah...I looked. I wonder if he tried to reply to my text barrage from the other night. I wouldn't know, can't find out. And I did say he was blocked, so I doubt it.
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Think of health more than anything. Not the weight, not the state of what you call obesity (if you are or not I dunno) but just focus on doing things that will get you healthy and the focus on the weight needs to be minimized. sorry I went off on a tangent there. but if you look at health, you will naturally get to where you need to be.. and it works for both people over and underweight or otherwise unhealthy
just my take (and no I'm not a health nut and I need to take my own advice :P)
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Overall, I feel more peaceful, if not just sad and worn out. As I've said before, it's not all about him. It's more about how I feel about the relationships in my life, in general, how dissatisfied I am with all of them. I pretend I'm alright, that I'm satisfied with the level of closeness I have with friends, with the fact that I don't speak to my family (that I can't, that it wouldn't matter anyway, because they treat me the same way everyone else does--don't call, don't reach out, etc, and they are freaking toxic as hell regardless), with the fact that I seem to be invisible to men. But it really bothers me.
I am going to go to a Meetup on Saturday night, though. Might as well. Not doing anything else.
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Don't pretend, accept yourself. Accept that you are Ruari (or insert real name here) and this here, now.. is you. IT is flawed, but no more or no less flawed than the whole of society. Your life, is flawed because, well such is life.. it ebbs and flows and there is always a good and sometimes great period followed by a lull and then dips into OMGWTFDIDIDOTODESERVETHIS time.. always. I've learned to accept that those times will come. Endure the bad in order to get to the good. Same goes with friends and other people. There will be bad and good and they will come and go. accept that this is true then when it happens its not all "why me" kind of thinking but "oh, here's one of those things that I knew would eventually happen" and it's easier to cope with even if it's a challenge.
I dunno if I make sense and I know this is my thinking and I cannot force it on anyone, nor is it all correct or easy to do if you're not already there but just some thoughts for you to ponder that I hope will help a little