Rap, I understand your need to be away in order to think straight......I honestly feel that was the only time I could get my thoughts in order was when I was able to spend those 2 1/2 months alone in my Kentucky farm. That was when I knew I needed to be alone & not only that, but that I was independent enough to handle myself alone after 32 years of marriage. It is a tough thing for the mind to realize when it has been dependent for so many years.

I know there is always the suggestion of finding someone's house to move into with them, but even then, you aren't alone to be able to think without outside noise going on. I was very lucky that I had sold my Mothers home & purchased the farm in my name only. I didn't realize at the time I did this that it was going to turn out exactly this way.....I knew for years that I wanted to leave because I couldn't put up with the relationship (a feeling that started just before I got married).

I know that before I owned my farm, I wanted to separate, but was always told that If I didn't like the relationship, I cold leave. I had put just as much into the house as he had (including the money) so felt I had just as much right to the house as he did. We lived in the house separated for over 12 years before I was finally able to get out. My thoughts were building & building over those years.....so when I finally had the chance to be alone with my thoughts, they were ready to figure it all out & make the important decisions I had to make to make it a legal spearation once the California house sells & we can split everything up.

The major stress is thinking about being completely alone & having to do things even when I am sick or not feeling ok & not having anyone to help me out.....a 10 acre farm & all the dogs & horses.....a lot of responsiility.....then comes the you will be better off financially with my extra money to make the expenses & have enough money for the horse training. That even more helped my decidion become firm....I felt like I was always being bought.....everytime I wanted to leave, we ended up by buying something new....a new car.....a new house......we always had the 2 aerospace engineer income & I had grown up without being able to have many things (just enough to get by) so it was nice to be able to have things.....but I finally have come to the knowledge that money isn't everything & things aren't everything....HAPPINESS is everything & when there isn't happiness, depression & anxiety can get even worse when it exists already.

It had been since July that I made my decision & had the time to think it through......& when I returned to California to pack up my things, my decision was reinforced even more.

Rap, it is important for you to have the alone time & it sounds like a lawyer might be able to help you figure out how to legally arrange that....without it having to be a divorce.....I am sticking with a legal separation....don't see the need for a divorce.....but no matter how it ends up.....time alone to figure out your thoughts is the most important part of the process.

Debbie