Ugh... Sometimes I just can't deal with my head. Whenever we hang out with my boyfriend's family for special events, his brother's Gf gets all the attention of his family. Her parents are practically rich and she is always going on about everything that she does. She's treated like she's a golden prize. They even asked her ''hey you tried modeling? You seem perfect for it'' and I'm just feeling to myself like super ugly because nobody ever said that to me... Unlike her, I grew up, my family was really poor. Living off of Welfare, doing drugs. My dad never wanted us to get rides anywhere because gas money was too expensive. We lived a really secluded life kinda outside of everything social out there.

Everybody loves her, and praises her. My bf's mom spends more time focusing on her than she ever does me. It hurts because I'm always helping her with cleaning, groceries and gardening. I'm trying to fit in the family and it's so hard because I have nothing to share or brag about. I get stuck in my head. It feels like nobody bothers to know me better because I don't have any good stories, or witty things to say. I'm not really good at anything. Even games. I just play them for fun and nobody seems to take that seriously either. I feel so stuck sometimes. Like I just don't want to keep trying. Whenever I'm happy or having a good day, it feels like everyone is always more interested in their own thing. I'm there saying I did one thing good in my day, people smile and then she comes out with 10x things that are much more interesting. For anyone to talk to, I don't have my parents' support because my mom holds a grudge on me for leaving the house. So it often ends up just me and my head, crying in the bathroom.

I'm always nice and smile for everyone all the time and it feels like I am so easily replaceable. I'm the quiet girl always on the side that nobody ever seems to pay much attention to. I try to speak to my bf of this but sometimes it just doesn't work... He tells me all the right things but I still feel alone all the time inside my head. I feel like giving up because if I just disappeared one day, nobody would even notice because I never brought anything to the world... I feel like someday he's gonna realize that I'm just worthless... I don't have things I'm good at... I've never really found them. I don't know what to do in college or for work. I don't have any motivation to try new things. They're just never fun.. and I always feel like it's never going to be enough. I hate crying because it doesn't make me feel better... because I feel like nothing will change.