Update:
I did go outside and got on a bus from which I can switch to another one who goes to the psych ward. I had time outside and alone in which I drew a lot and listened to music. While I am still jumpy like a rabbit, and I do see somethings (the usual for me: black cat, an old woman and the shadow man) and I am delusional but I send all of my energy to cleaning my room. I called a friend to come over to stay in for the night and I have another one on skype, just in case I go back to a state of panic or if I do/ say something that is harmful towards myself or somebody else.
Bad thing is that the psych ward was locked? So I couldn't stay even though I was feeling quite suicidal. Still cannot believe that such a place in which people go to be safe is closed at 11 am, but the good thing is that a friend found me and led me away to safety. To be honest thank Gods I have loyal friends.
PS. I am waiting for my antipsychotics to kick in. That's my 6th night that I am taking them and for now nothing except side affects and horrible anxiety and panic attacks because I am off Atarax.
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