A good and thoughtful point! Unfortunately, in the past the way forward together was for me to say "yes" and then "I'm sorry" and then "we'll do it your way" and then we're a couple again. But I've been saying "no" a lot recently, and my wife is really a "my way or the highway" kinda gal. She said in the past she wants a divorce because then I have knuckled under and said "yes/sorry/your way..." but I don't know if she really ever means it. My feeling now is that we're not in a relationship, I'm just part of her staff, and it's awful even without the past few days of abuse.