I don't know if it helps but you aren't alone brother. Iraq and Afghanistan myself though not quite your experience, bit more tame than that.

I too stare at nothing, for long, long periods of time. Just yesterday I spent an hour staring at grass, I didn't realize I was doing it. I wasn't there, I was somewhere on the other side of the world. Playing through all those engagements, what could I have done differently? Could I have saved him? If I had been there would things have been different?

I want so badly to be the one in a box in the ground, not those that I failed. You aren't alone and there is hope. Try talking to a Vet center, I have had much better luck there than anywhere else. The VA was a complete waste of my time and only served to nearly get me thrown in jail trying to give the VA employees what they deserve.

The Vet centers all seem to be staffed with nothing but therapists and social workers and they are all veterans. I actually felt like the employees there wanted to help me, not only that but they are going to help me stay on my feet so I don't end up homeless, which currently is a definite possibility.

Might as well give it a shot.