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Old Jun 04, 2016, 10:14 PM
ReddSkyes ReddSkyes is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by scorpiosis37 View Post
I think you are continuing to do exactly what she said was the problem-- you are containing to ignore what she needs (space/distance) in order to make yourself feel better. She said she does not want to repair the relationship and instead of accepting that, you have called, emailed, and texted because YOU feel upset and insecure and you want to repair the relationship for your own reasons. You are ignoring the fact that she said she does not want to repair it and she needs distance from you so that she can take care of her own needs and feelings. What she is doing is not selfish-- people have the right to end friendships and take time to themselves when they need it. She told you exactly what she needed, and you ignored her to focus on your own needs again-- proving her point. If you want to fix your working relationship with her, then give her the space she has asked for and stop pressing her to explain more and try to repair the friendship. Part of life is people growing apart or realizing that they no longer benefit from certain relationships. It can hurt, but it's just something we have to accept sometimes. In order to take care of your own feelings (rather than rely on her to "fix" them by becoming friends again), focus on your other relationships-- your husband, friends, other family members, etc. Or focus on hobbies, work, or other skills/pursuits that make you feel good about yourself. If you focus on things that you do well or relationships that are satisfying, you will feel more confident and be less likely to let the needy/insecure part of yourself rule the show.
I don't know what the right answer is, but you can't really blame her for feeling the way she does. This is what happens with a person who has anxiety issues. They start to lose something and want to grasp at whatever possible to hold on to it and bring it back. If her "friend" doesn't like it, that's her problem.

No it is not selfish to want time for yourself. Society has taught us that we need to put ourselves first, even if we leave a trail of broken hearts in our wake. You're right.

Ending a friendship should be a carefully considered thing. And it should be for better reasons. Reasons less cliched, like "I'm not in a good place right now," or
the stupid, vague reasons she gave. "You feel insecure, then sacrifice my feelings to make yourself feel better." What is that? Doesn't anybody speak normally anymore? Besides, doesn't she know her friend isn't perfect, has flaws, etc.? Maybe she really doesn't get it.

"I needed to take a few minutes so I could feel better..."

Well it seems like it's been longer than a few minutes.

And this is the problem with people claiming they need a "break" or "space" when they are ending things, or taking a long time "off" .... They don't bother to say "I need a week, a month, maybe a few days, I'll call you next week, I'll call you in the near future, I'll get in touch with you some other time," or "I don't know when I'll contact you again."

She should just be honest, because "a few minutes" goes by REALLY fast.