When things were bad for me with depression...I didn't have the ability to be responsible for someone else's happiness.

You wanting to hold hands or cuddle or whatever, is a reminder to him that he needs to worry about being responsible for someone else (whether he actually is or not is NOT the issue here). And that is very taxing for someone who is barely hanging on. Everything is a monumental task for someone with depression....getting out of bed, taking a shower....everything.

So maybe you can understand how difficult the thought of also caring for someone else might be...

It must be nearly impossible not to take this personally....I don't know how my DH did it really. I must have been tremendously difficult to get along with....

The best thing for both of us was the quiet company of each other. I could handle that most of the time.

I don't blame you for your hurt and anger. And it's okay to cry. But if you are able, don't let him see.

I don't know if you need to leave him or if you're willing to consider that it's the depression talking....It's a tough call.

I do feel sorry for you.