This is one of those discussions that always makes me uncomfortable. I'm working hard to accept what happened to me as a kid. That means I have to accept being a victim. My T says I was a victim -- by definition. I was overpowered and hurt. But my group T says I'm a survivor. I hate both words -- victim and survivor. I just want to be me.

I think withit was right on about needing to allow yourself to be a victim in order to feel it, grieve it and then place it where it belongs, in your history. I think people do keep repeating things that haven't been worked through. So maybe they aren't consciously getting anything out of being a "victim" --- perhaps they aren't manipulating anything or anyone with intention. Maybe they are just hurting.