Oh Suzy I wish I had an answer for you. A lot of what you say I can understand. Why try so hard when it feels worthless? I started going downhill about 10 years ago. My mom passed and it started a ball rolling that just couldn't be stopped. Bills started to pile up, we (my dad and 2 brothers) were going to loose the house i grew up it. After dating a woman for 3 months they got married and dad decided to let the bank foreclose on our house. I had to find a place to live... It was just a mess. And now I feel like a mess. I'll be 30 in August and I've got nothing to show for it. Not financially independant although I am lucky enough to have a steady job. I've never been with anyone, no first kiss nothing. I have no friends. Even if I did they would probably think I'm crazy. And what's the point now? Nobody wants or needs me. Sorry to vent on your post, I just want you to know I understand.