I SUPPOSE I should be happy, I saw him today (well, yesterday now) after not seeing him for around 2 weeks.

Yeah, he blew it.

I wonder why I keep going back sometimes.

He made me do a much more difficult contract.

We talked about my self-injuring thoughts recently (pretty bad) and how my past abuse incident needs to be looked at and "resolved".

... maybe it was productive, but I spent the entire session disliking him. He didn't seem to get it. Or maybe I was emotionally withdrawn. I know I have been. But I TOLD him I disliked him and his only comment was "that he could take it" and he sorta laughed and I could have smacked him.

... grrr.

Okay, I have issues. Vascillating between hating him and liking him is bad? Or is it good?

I have another appointment on Monday.

Until then I need to uphold his contract (re: eating, having SI tools, drinking, SIng and calling two abuse centre resources to make appointments). And he made this contract without even consulting me.

Argh.

Now what am I gonna do next session. He even said that he wants to discuss where we're going in therapy and what needs to be worked on.

I HATE feeling like some sort of stupid project.

... grrrrrrr.

We'll see how long this feeling lasts.

Until then, I will sit and complain about him not being able to read my mind and do exactly what I want him to...

Yeah, I know I'm ridiculous.