4 months. i know its not long but we talked every day and told each other pretty much everything about ourselves, including the embarrassing and dark stuff too, and what we wanted out of life, our interests, everything in between... oh and it was purely online. i feel pathetic for being so upset about it but i loved him deeply and truly i was the happiest i'd ever been, my depression went almost completely away and i thought finally my life is worth living again. i started to get my **** together got clean and started going out of the house and thinking positive, it was like the fog in my head cleared and i could see a future that didn't end in tragedy or drug addiction and poverty. i thought he loved me as much as i loved him and i thought he loved my body just as i loved his.

but it was all a lie and fat chicks disgust him. i disgusted him. he didn't say that exactly but that was the implication.

what's worse i saw it coming. i knew nobody could say they're attracted to me and actually mean it. i called him out on it several times in the relationship, said he couldn't possibly be attracted to me but he assured me time and time again that he was, only for him to just now turn arond and say it was a lie.

and he's obese himself. i can't even get attraction from my own 'kind'/

that's why i CAN'T do better. i can't even DO at all, because i am so fat and ugly i'm not even an option to anyone.

i'm just heartbroken and distraught. and alone.

love is the one thing i want out of life, but i can't have it.