i think i see in some of your words what sometimes comes over me..

if i could have a sense of validation, a sense of worth, coming from an outward source that would possibly invalidate the negative assumptions and accusations that i place on myself.. see in myself...

we have to becareful how much weight and power we give to others views and opinions over our own...

i think we also have to look into what we mean by love... what is love to us?
love seems to have differing meanings coming from differing peoples...

we have levels of attraction.. affection.. infatuations...
love is something that develops after those stages... love develops when we have been through thick and thin... when we have nearly killed each other and wanted to run away but turned back to see in the other everything that we are and know that we relate and feel a deep connection that invalidates the negatives and creates a positive that we can hold onto for the rest of our life... love is when you know the bad and accept it as much as you know the good and accept that, beyond the veils of infatuations and attractions...

everyone does deserve love... but we have to "love our self" as the saying goes... if we don't know what we are looking for then its hard for us to find it...
to love myself to me doesnt really mean that i am extremely happy with myself... i am not overly joyful of who i am... but i know that i am someone unique and that my imperfections will be the perfections to the imperfect person that i grow to love one day..

so we have to define what it is, love, to ourselves...
what do we need?

do we even really want to have that boring love relationship in our lives at this point?
or are what we searching for is more of validation, to be needed... to have someone elses need for us prove to us our value, worth, that we deserve it because we feel that we dont and treat ourselve with utmost prejudice....

you dont need someone else to prove that to you... because no matter how much someone tries, they wont prove it to you until you let yourself believe it...

i am really disconnected currently so its hard for me to make much sense.. but i just wanted to say a few things...

in a sense, people here do love you, but the love we have for you may not be the infatuated attraction love that most people think that is true love...

i hope that you are easy to yourself a little and try to relax...

take care...