Quote:
Originally Posted by ReddSkyes
I don't know what the right answer is, but you can't really blame her for feeling the way she does. This is what happens with a person who has anxiety issues. They start to lose something and want to grasp at whatever possible to hold on to it and bring it back. If her "friend" doesn't like it, that's her problem.
No it is not selfish to want time for yourself. Society has taught us that we need to put ourselves first, even if we leave a trail of broken hearts in our wake. You're right.
Ending a friendship should be a carefully considered thing. And it should be for better reasons. Reasons less cliched, like "I'm not in a good place right now," or
the stupid, vague reasons she gave. "You feel insecure, then sacrifice my feelings to make yourself feel better." What is that? Doesn't anybody speak normally anymore? Besides, doesn't she know her friend isn't perfect, has flaws, etc.? Maybe she really doesn't get it.
"I needed to take a few minutes so I could feel better..."
Well it seems like it's been longer than a few minutes.
And this is the problem with people claiming they need a "break" or "space" when they are ending things, or taking a long time "off" .... They don't bother to say "I need a week, a month, maybe a few days, I'll call you next week, I'll call you in the near future, I'll get in touch with you some other time," or "I don't know when I'll contact you again."
She should just be honest, because "a few minutes" goes by REALLY fast.
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"A few minutes" is a figure of speech. Kind of like when I say, "I took a nap for a hot minute." I didn't take a nap for a minute. I took a nap for probably an hour or so. It's pretty well accepted that, in those two cases, a "minute" isn't a minute.
I also think her friend was very clear. "You feel insecure, then sacrifice my feelings to make yourself feel better" would tell me that my friend is feeling I neglect her and focus on my needs too much. I know this, because I've had someone say something similar to me in the past. This friend was more passive, and I am not. As a result, she would just let me go on about myself and never chime in about her life, her needs, nothing. That could be a similar dynamic. I'm not saying anyone is completely right or completely wrong in this situation, I'm just saying that the friend who wanted space was clear--she wants space. She doesn't need to specify a length of time. Things aren't working for her right now, she seems to know that having a conversation about it isn't going to be productive (I'm gathering, by the OP's reaction), and this is her way of setting boundaries. Whether she's doing it correctly or not, I don't know. But that's what I think.