I know that this is the depression talking, but I feel like a horrible person.

Every time I get into one of these low spots, my mind just ruminates on all of the bad things I have done and said to people over the years. It's almost involuntary, like a blink, or breathing. But I have said and done some really horrible things, topped off by my most recent escapades. And it isn't just the mean stuff, or the stuff that is over reactive or "crazy." I don't like how not normal I must seem to other people. How needy, clingy, too-much... it is, of course, something I could change, and I do try. But I don't even know I'm doing it half the time, which is why I was so down on therapy in my most recent thread. In 23 years of on and off therapy, I've not made much of a change. I'm just more self-aware.

On a different note though, I did realize that I've been out of my Synthroid (synthetic thyroid hormone--I am borderline low, so my doc prescribed it about a year and a half ago) for a few days. This could most definitely be contributing to the intensity of the depression. I can usually go for a few days without it since my levels don't get dangerously low. However, I have felt like a limp dishrag all day, just cannot get myself moving. I keep lying down to doze off for 20 mins here and there with the cat. And then I realized, oh, I have that prescription waiting at the pharmacy. Oops. (Just picked it up, just took it.)