I was like that too - the only thing that kept me alive back in 2009 was my son. He loved me SO much back then that I absolutely could not/would not take his beloved mommy away from him no matter how miserable I felt. It became too much hiding how I felt from him and so that's what sent me to pdoc finally. I had to get better so he wouldn't have to see my pain. It took awhile but I did start learning how to want to live for me.