my t said that i was a victim then... but i'm not a victim now. or that i certainly don't have to be. i agree with flowerb that i don't really want the labels, i just want to be me.

that being said i do think that there are things that i do in the here and now that result from my having been a victim. sometimes i get into this real 'please don't hurt me' space and people pick up on it and realise that i'm vulnerable. i need more reassurance than most. i need more kind words than most. i need people to be gentler with criticism than most. all of this requires people to go out of their way (more so than for other people) in order to make me feel comfortable.

i'm trying to work on having more inner strength and doing things that i'm afraid of but it is harder. sometimes i feel like a victim because i feel powerless and fragile and like i'm about to be attacked. part of it is looking around in the here and now and realise that the present is different from the past. i'm not a victim anymore.