> Is it odd that all I seem to do with people who get close to me is try to %#@&#! them off and push them away?

it isn't that uncommon, no. especially for people who have been hurt before (either because others have been invasive or hurtful or neglectful or whatever). longing for emotional intimacy... and terror of it...

attachment response (approach)
and withdrawal response (avoid)
and fight response when escape seems impossible

one idea is that the attachment and withdrawal systems are seperate and in some people both can be activated so people feel his horrible pushing pulling feeling and they aren't quite sure what to do.

disorganised / ambivalent attachment.

i do think that it is important that he can listen to your concerns on the one hand...

but i also think that it is important that he give you a contract to try and make sure you don't kill yourself / hurt yourself even worse before getting better...

i mean... if he didn't care about you hurting yourself... then how much would he really care about your welfare?