Quote:
Originally Posted by sumowira
Why not email your journal to him ahead of time, or parts of it, and tell him that's what you want to go over in your next session?
Not being able to talk in therapy is probably based in trust issues, anxiety about disappointing him, feeling unworthy of having emotions, feeling unworthy of expressing emotions, and feeling unworthy of getting sympathy for emotions. And in my case, I shut down to avoid feeling like I'm too close to someone and therefore need to cut all ties with them.
Feeling too close could be the big problem. If you feel like it's something more than a professional relationship, then you won't be able to make any progress. I had a therapist once who did that on purpose. In order to facilitate closeness, she told me waaay too much personal stuff about herself, and I completely shut down and couldn't talk to her. If your therapist has shared personal information, or if you have concocted (fantasized) information about their personal life, then it could be that it's too close to a "friendship" (even though it can never be a real one) and it's no longer effective therapy for you.
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You brought up some interesting and certainly possible suggestions about what's happening. I can't email the journal for two reasons...first, I write it long hand, and secondly, my T wants me to read what I've journaled - he won't read anything I've journaled ahead of time. (I think it has something to do with hearing how his clients read what they've written - where do they put emphasis, etc.)
T has shared minimal personal information. I've tried not to think much about her/his personal life, though I probably know more than I should. I've read a journal article recently that encouraged the T to share more personal information (books they read, what they do in spare time, etc.) w/avoidant attachment style clients - don't know about personality disorder, but probably avoidant - as ..."Burke (1994) emphasized the utility of therapist self-disclosure as forming a bridge between an old and a new object experience. Dismissive patients may be particularly in need of such information about how a new attachment figure can be different from previous ones. Unambiguous self-disclosure by the therapist may help to combat the defensive exclusion of pertinent attachment-related information typical of the dismissive style." (Connors, Mary E., (
The Renunciation of Love: Dismissive Attachment and its Treatment) I don't necessarily subscribe to this technique, but according to this article, Dr. Connors says, "A dismissive patient of mine told me that it was my willingness to be human with her (e.g., answering her questions about what I liked to read) that made her able to risk vulnerability with me."
At any rate, your note of "...based in trust issues, anxiety about disappointing him, feeling unworthy of having emotions, feeling unworthy of expressing emotions, and feeling unworthy of getting sympathy for emotions" is most likely a big part of my problem. I was allowed to express only certain feelings growing up and I've struggled with fears of disappointing my T since I began therapy, so...
Thanks, so much for your response. Though this is for another conversation, I have to mention that these researchers/therapists make me crazy how they seem to use the terms "dismissive" and "avoidant" interchangeably. There have been some articles targeting this problem, with some clinicians/researchers finding a distinct difference between the two terms. Once I figure out my own problem here, I'll post on these terms and see what others think.
