to all here. To the OP. You do seem to have symptoms of childhood sexual abuse. when we are hurt at a young age because we are so physically helpless the only option for escape from our abusers is thru our minds. We have fluid minds that can dissociative easily so that is the defense often employed. Any memory of what happened is compartmentalised and locked as far away as possible...oceans away. There are 2 schools of thought for treatment regarding Early childhood abuse. The first is the analytical approach that theorises that the only way to be whole and truly heal is to unlock, relive, and finally give voice and healing to the suffering inner child. This is a very long and difficult process. Only you with your therapists input can decide if this is nessecary for you to heal. I would suggest asking your therapist for some literature the process and tools employed. The 2nd school of thought is a more modern approach that focuses on the current trauma symptoms. It employs a combination of therapies usually cbt and or dbt, exposure/ desensitisation, emdr, and ggroup based support and therapy. Depending on your needs and the therapist's thoughts on your case not all of these will nessecarily be used. Really it is your decision whether or not you want to know. But either way or both if you choose are benefical in healing trauma. I hope your therapist is working with you on safety skills tho... Cuz from personal experience, the more trauma that piles up the more difficult, and in my case bizzarre it is untangle. Be Safe